Valentine’s Day. For me, it’s never been about flowers and a dinner date. When I think about true love . . . my children are the image that forms in my mind. I love them completely and unconditionally. As all parents do.

Happy Valentine’s Day Becca, Gabriel, and Matthew. You are my greatest  loves. You always will be.

I wish that holidays didn’t now have a depth of sadness to them. I miss the ones that were nothing but joy. Sigh.

Over the weekend I moved, leaving the house where were a family for the last time, and starting a new chapter. Being so busy, I’d forgotten today’s holiday was just around the corner. Her absence didn’t hit me, again, until this evening. Then it floored me.

It made moving seem like a horrible mistake. I’m not in a room she’d recognize. How could I leave the walls that echoed our laughter? What was I thinking?

I’m a mess. A complete mess. So many emotions tumbling over me. I almost feel like I am going to lose the vise like grip I generally have on things.

I might. I have before. I’m sure I will again. It’s inevitable. Especially when they railroad car each other and pile up.

A new home. Valentine’s day. And numerous other triggers throughout the week. It’s exhausting.

I’ll have a lot to write about in the coming months, that’s for sure.

Until then, love each other well. Deeply and completely.

You’ll hear from me soon.


I'm a mother, artist, and writer. A decade ago I lost my daughter. I find writing, and painting, heal me. Sharing my story of loss and healing lightens what I carry. And, hopefully, my words help another along the way.

2 Comment on “Being A Mess Is Expected

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